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  • Resilient Practice

Lightening Up

Lighten up on yourself. No-one is perfect. Gently accept your humanness – Deborah Day

We have talked in previous articles a great deal about self-awareness and on our courses and in our book, we give you the tools you need to rise to life’s challenges.

After years of teaching this subject, we are in no doubt that self-awareness leads to enlightenment and ultimately, improved mental wellbeing. As far as we can see, however, this journey towards self-mastery has no end in this lifetime. There is always more to learn, and we can always find further inner work to do. Not only are we constantly given the opportunity to learn new things about the Self; we regularly get to revisit old lessons via new scenarios.

As individuals, when we realise the value of this way of life, the search can become something of a quest. It is at this point where we are wise if we resist allowing the search for enlightenment to become yet another behavioural strategy that fills the age old need to feel safe. We have both experienced this. It begins as we first adopt the habit of registering that we are out of balance. The response can then be to begin automatically employing the behaviour of self-analysis.

“Why did that trigger me?”

“Why do I feel annoyed?”

“Why do I always…..?”

“Why do they never…..?”

This is the deep dive that we so often advocate but we suggest that it is wise not to spend all your time plunging the depths of the psyche or falling into the habit of constantly trying to ‘fix’ yourself.

This is where a healthy intention to become self-aware can become a habit of overthinking, overanalysing and compulsive evidence gathering. If we find ourselves doing this, we must examine our need for safety and practise discernment.

There is more about breaking the habit of overthinking here:

In various articles and our book, we talk about the concept of Observation and Choice. This is practised when we learn to pick up our emotions and resulting behaviours and press pause. We acknowledge and accept that those triggers and processes are ours and we consciously choose whether it suits us to let that behaviour run our not. In this case we can observe our need to dive deeply into self-analysis and ask:

“Is this my chosen practise or am I spiralling into introspection in a negative, repetitive way?” There is often a fine line between the two, especially when we are anxious, fearful or vulnerable.

Consider the phrase ‘deep dive.’ Imagine that you are a diving beetle skating on the surface of a body of water. Staying at the bottom of the pond among the mud and debris, where the water is heavy and dense is hard work. Life is easier and more pleasant if we remain at the top where the air is fresh and clean, and we can easily adapt to changing weather conditions. Then when we dive deeply, we do it consciously, to get what we need, and return to the surface when we are done.

This suggestion aligns with the popular idea of ‘raising energetic vibrations.’ This is a metaphor that we can work with. We can all accept that it is possible to influence the energy in a room with positive conversation, music, dancing, playing games and laughing. In the same way, constantly diving deeply into the psyche can leave us feeling ‘heavy’ especially if we are allowing the judge or victim part of our nature to come into play. When we are feeling this way, it is reflected in our behaviour towards others and the ‘collective mood’ is affected.

Let us reiterate the concept of the Universal Law of Attention that is outlined in our book. This law ensures that whatever we focus on in our lives gets bigger. If all our focus is on analysing and ‘fixing’ the Self in a deep, heavy way, we will feel both weighed down and broken. If our focus remains light and positive, we will be able to dive deeply when we choose to but find it all the easier to RISE up afterwards.

Try this:

Set the intention to devote a planned amount of time to your own self-awareness and healing.


Plan to meditate for ten minutes at the end of the working day

Resolve to always debrief yourself after every argument or challenging conversation

Keep a therapeutic record of situations where you become triggered and compartmentalise your analysis of them until you are ready to do so

Take a set amount of time once a week to review your experiences and plan your way forward

When you dive deeply give yourself time and space but when you are finished, let go and return to the surface. You can always choose to revisit at a specific time later

Practise keeping your ‘energetic vibration’ light by regularly weaving into your life some of the following:

Play music



Make art

Laugh with friends/family


Play games

Exert yourself

Write creatively

Give compliments

Pamper yourself

It may be easy for you to engage in pleasant activities, but occasionally, when negativity has taken hold, it requires self-discipline.

When you do focus your energy on activities that are intended to ‘raise your vibrations,’ make sure that you are fully present in the moment. This will discourage rumination and overthinking and maximise the benefits of the activity.

Here is an article about doing things mindfully:

Self-awareness is a gift but do not forget to enjoy the simple pleasures of all that you have manifested in your so far. Remember that what you focus on will be magnified.

You are exactly where you need to be!

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