• Resilient Practice

People who Dislike Us.

“Have the Courage to be Disliked”

Bruce Lee

It is human nature to surround ourselves with people who we like and who like us in return.

Spending time building a ‘tribe’ of friends we can connect with at a deeper level where there is mutual appreciation and understanding raises our energetic vibration and gives us a sense of belonging.

Connection with those people can enhance our creativity and empower us to the point that we feel we can do anything.

In building these relationships we often begin to consciously or subconsciously avoid those relationships that have the opposite effect.

In fact, many modern approaches to teaching wellbeing encourage us to do so.

Surrounding ourselves with love and light is undoubtedly good for us but, what about those relationships we find difficult?

What about the people who simply do not get us?

Those people who can floor us with a simple comment or facial expression?

The ones who can, knowingly or not, bring out all the worst of our doubts and fears about our own self-worth and likeability.

These fears are deep rooted, and we are uncomfortable when reminded of them. Most of us would much prefer that they stay hidden to the point of almost being forgotten about.

Steering away from people who provoke these emotions within us is a good way to protect the Self, but does avoiding those issues within ourselves constitute as unfinished business?

What does interaction with people who do not understand us do for us?

Firstly, it keeps us grounded.

It offends the ego.

We need ego to survive in the modern world, but we must be aware of it when it arises and challenge our own emotions and behaviours so that they become conscious.

Ego is offended or provoked when we feel that me may lose something. This may include relationships, possessions, social standing, reputation, function and even our own precious sense of Self.

When Ego is provoked, we are uncomfortable but we are reminded to remain humble and grateful for every lesson that the Universe provides.

Secondly, interaction with someone who does not like us shows us in no uncertain terms, where we need to work on our own personal development.

It is not a gentle revelation.

We can learn to discover which negative core beliefs about the Self or indeed which parts of us that we have disowned, are being reflected back at us.

Instead of becoming consumed by the emotion, we can utilise the information to build our resilience and embolden ourselves.

Rather than wanting to fix the external situation that provoked us, we can learn to examine the internal responses that were provoked.

Once again, any such teachings that the Universe provides might warrant our gratitude.

A grateful mindset that encourages acceptance of the whole rather than only that which we find comfortable, attracts abundance and growth.

Try this:

Choose a moment where you calm and centred and unlikely to be disturbed.

Bring your awareness to your breathing

The tidal in and out of your breath.

This brings you into the present moment and allows you to focus

Now bring to mind someone from the past or present with whom you have experienced difficulty connecting

Someone who has never ‘got’ you

Someone who has given you the impression that you were not ‘liked’

Maybe someone who has had the ability to make you feel small or unworthy

These people easily spring to mind as they are the people who have hurt us

Whether they know it or not

Get a clear sense of that person

Now examine how thinking of that person makes you feel

How does it express itself in your body?

What thoughts spring to mind

What fears come up for you?

Not good enough?

Not clever? Not Beautiful?

Understand that none of this discord was about you for them

Rather it was all about what was going on for them

The fact that you were triggered into unhappiness only displays a need within you

For some kind of nurture that is separate from that person

That person only served to show you the way

You can provide that nurture

How does that feel?

Can you accept the teaching?

Give yourself the gift of learning about your own needs from difficult relationships

Harbouring feelings of resentment towards those who have exposed our vulnerabilities only serves to hurt us further. When we do this, situation remain unresolved. The unresolved keeps part of us forever in the past and so we are blocked from moving forwards

If you can, offer a message of forgiveness and even gratitude to the people in your life who taught you the hardest lessons. Forgiveness does not signal approval of bad behaviour, but it does set us free, cutting any cords that bind us to people who dislike us. It helps us to detach

Now picture someone who values you the highest of all

Someone who loves you or respects you

Without you having to do anything at all

Maybe someone with whom you passionately share opinions

Perhaps a partner

Or a work colleague

Or a friend

Someone who appreciates your art, your song

Your creativity

Your beauty and your kindness

Someone who really sees you

Get a clear picture of that person

How does that make you feel?

Where do you feel it in your body?

Remember that that person is evoking in you that which is already there

Those are your emotions

They do not belong to anybody else

Sit with those pleasant feelings for a few minutes and allow yourself to be graced with gratitude

These are the relationships that we treasure

By accepting all of our multifaceted relationships with others, we can begin to nurture and grow the most important relationship of all - our relationship to the Self

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