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Where Did My Energy Go?


“Recognise that it is not really possible to steadily help others when we ourselves are not in good physical, mental, or emotional state. We may be able to carry on for a while, but sooner or later we end up feeling depleted, discouraged, or weak. We cannot keep on giving when we are running on an empty tank. We need to be solid.”

— Nhat Hanh


Throughout the day it can feel as though we lose our energy. We can consciously give it away as we strive to do our best in providing a good service to others. We can also lose it during our daily interactions without being aware of how it happened, when we become embroiled in both our own drama and the drama of others.


In previous articles we have spoken at length about how it can feel as if our energy has been taken from us when we unconsciously respond to a trigger such as:

· participating in gossip

· becoming drawn into an argument

· sitting in someone else’s pain

· Needing to ‘fix’ others’ problems

· indulging in contaminated messages or passive aggressive behaviour

· being influenced by our preconception and judgement of others

· not having our expectations met

· projecting into past or future events

· Aspiring towards ‘perfection’

· blaming others or the environment for our suffering

· complaining – affirming our suffering and helplessness

· overthinking

· distorted thinking to support negative core beliefs

· refusing to see the positive aspects of any situation

· being drawn into collective fear

· apologising when we are not accountable

· agreeing to something inappropriate out of a need to be liked or gain approval


This energy is not always returned to us during a good night’s sleep. This leaves us feeling depleted and can result in burnout.

Burnout (resilientpractice.co.uk)


If you have subscribed to our website, you will have received a beautiful free audio meditation for reclaiming that lost energy. We recommend that you listen to it regularly at the end of the day to avoid becoming exhausted and to feel replenished and alive.


But what if we never lost that energy in the first place?


When we consciously choose where we direct our energy, we can spend our lives in the service of others without becoming depleted ourselves.


Try this:

To become conscious of how your energy is lost throughout the day, begin to cultivate the following:

· Good self-awareness – the ability to understand who you are and why certain things trigger you, for example, your conditioning, your core beliefs, your innate archetypes, your Shadow and how these influence your current cognitive behavioural cycles – your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

· The ability to take full responsibility for your own wellbeing. Understand that the only thing of importance in any situation is what is going on for you. You cannot change something external without first changing your internal response to it. Changing your internal responses will drive new cognitive behavioural cycles and affect different outcomes. This means that the external environment will either no longer trigger you, or change in response, anyway.

· The ability to step into the shoes of your Observers Self – this is the part of the Self that can report that you think and feel and behave a certain way but does not do the thinking or feeling. It is the witness.

· The willingness to press pause on your thoughts, feelings and behaviours and the courage to sit with the discomfort of choosing a different path. Change feels uncomfortable because the psyche craves safety. Your current unconscious responses are what you have been doing throughout your life up to now. Your psyche will usually choose safety over progress.

· The ability to stay present. More commonly known in recent times as mindfulness, the ability to remain fully focussed in the present moment, using all of the senses and avoiding projection into the past or future will ensure that you avoid unnecessary negative body chemistry such as increased cortisol and adrenaline which are responsible for the symptoms of stress. It will also prevent negative projection from influencing your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

· The willingness to release your attachments. Ego keeps us safe. It builds a nest of relationships, titles, status, reputation and possessions that safeguard your place within the tribe. Ego steps in when you feel that these are under threat. Without it you look like pray. If, however, you become conscious of where your Ego becomes provoked and kindly thank it for showing you your attachments. When your attachments are threatened you will move into unconscious cycles. Once you accept that you do not need any of these things for survival, you can press pause and ask your Ego to step back. You do not have to let go of those things, but you can release your need for them. You can then consciously choose your response.

· Beginners’ mind - the ability to let go of your preconceived ideas and judgements about people and situations. The part of you that already knows what is going to happen is unconsciously contaminates situations by driving peremptory behaviour to which others respond in kind. This leads to manifesting repeating negative situations and the cementing of those preconceived beliefs.

Change can only begin with becoming consciousness of what we are currently doing to create outcomes followed by the willingness to overcome the discomfort of doing things differently.


For further information see our book:

How to Rise: A Complete Resilience Manual


If you are interested in further study, see the course page of the site:

Mental Health and Wellbeing Courses | Resilient Practice


The following is a list of previous articles, each of which has a deeper dive into the concepts described above.

The Price of Gossip (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Can you Resist the Fix? (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Perfectly Imperfect (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Love Your Shadow (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Managing Expectations (resilientpractice.co.uk)

How to Let go (resilientpractice.co.uk)

The Truth About Complaining (resilientpractice.co.uk)

How to Speak your Truth (resilientpractice.co.uk)

How to Challenge Contaminated Communications (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Saying No (resilientpractice.co.uk)

How to Challenge Distorted Thinking (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Saying Sorry (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Collective Fear (resilientpractice.co.uk)

How to Achieve Mindfulness (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Understanding the Purpose of Ego (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Practising Beginner's Mind (resilientpractice.co.uk)

How to Reframe Core Beliefs through Affirmation (resilientpractice.co.uk)

Gathering your Inner Strength (resilientpractice.co.uk)

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